There But For The Grace of my Gods Go I
There is this boy I know- I’ve known him since he was a baby. Let me tell you, for those people who feel being born gay is nonsense, I wish I’d taped this kid growing up. He was the GAYest little kid ever, and grew into a very gay young man.
Due to his upbringing, he has many issues, like most people growing up here do. He has a lot of anger and left his mother’s house and moved in with his father, who sometimes beats him a little for being gay. I have tried to encourage him- point out ways he could get out of this life he’s in, and tonight, the normal conversation took a few interesting turns. I was forced to realize that this could have easily been me. I could have been this disgusted with life, this broken and sad, at the age of 19! I know who my patrons are, and I thank them tonight for the people they’ve brought into my life who have enriched it, the lessons- even the painful ones- that have made me who I am, and for whatever core of me they had a hand in that does not let defeat like this claim me. And I thank myself for being able to be worth it.
“[20:58] straight_people_bite: hello
[20:58] suntree_girl: heya
[20:59] straight_people_bite: how r u? also are you able to talk?
[20:59] suntree_girl: I’ll be slow, but sure
[20:59] straight_people_bite: okay
[21:00] straight_people_bite: so my cat ate my cordy figures head and now i have her head popped off and need a new head also i got a really good deal today i bought a silver ps2 with a paddle for only 20 bucks !!!!
[21:01] straight_people_bite: now i have two ps2 and need to sell one
[21:01] suntree_girl: sounds cool to have
[21:02] straight_people_bite: well yeah but i am pmpulsive and when i have money i dont know the word conserve at all
[21:02] straight_people_bite: impulsive
[21:03] suntree_girl: you need to learn it~!
[21:03] straight_people_bite: lol i know
[21:03] straight_people_bite: now i only have thirty left and 15 goes for p/o fees and 15 for fines
[21:03] straight_people_bite: what a shame
[21:04] suntree_girl: have you thought about getting a job or going to school or something?
[21:04] straight_people_bite: well i applied at mcdonalds and i will never go back to school i am just not the kinda person who goes back to school once i get my ged that is good enough for me
[21:05] suntree_girl: I really don’t know how to empahsise enough that you will never have anything better out of your life than this fucking town that you’ve known till now unless you get some higher learning.
[21:05] suntree_girl: education is so important- not just for job skills, but for networking and socialization
[21:07] straight_people_bite: i am not stupid and i am not just another redneck in u-ville and i watched a show where they did a study of ppl who didnt grad and ppl who did and they actually found more drop outs who have better paying jobs than someone who did grad
[21:07] straight_people_bite: but it is just a study
[21:07] straight_people_bite: so i mean it prob isnt 100% accuarate
[21:07] suntree_girl: studies are important, but you have to consider the context- did the people who dropped out get on the job rtraining?
[21:08] straight_people_bite: well some of the drop outs really jusy applied at jobs and then were hired
[21:08] suntree_girl: you are young, and have so many oppertiunities. you could study in another coutnry, you could go away anywhere to college, you could do ALL sorts of internships because you only have to pay for yourself
[21:08] straight_people_bite: it wasnt like they went through a course to do the job or ne thing
[21:09] straight_people_bite: i dont have the funds or the transportation to do all those wonderful things so i am not going to build my self up just for an even higher fall
[21:09] suntree_girl: and when you compare thier salary in several years to someone with a degree, you will see a very, very large gap in finance.
[21:10] straight_people_bite: because i live in the real world i am not ever going to be a college grad i just dont have the money or straight a grades for a scholarship
[21:10] suntree_girl: there’s a way. if you went away to school (you CAN get loans to live on) you could live on campus and bike to school or walk.
[21:10] straight_people_bite: well never thought of it that way
[21:11] suntree_girl: Really, because, I’m doing it- it’s a good thing I don’t think like that.
[21:11] suntree_girl: I know- the thing is, there’s a way. if you want something badly enough, there’s a way. and you will meet the most amazing people in the educated community
[21:11] straight_people_bite: well i dont know what you mean exactley
[21:12] suntree_girl: I’m saying that, I have a fucking tough time. I am poor as hell. I have a mentally challenged kid. To go to college, I have to live with my mother. I put relationships and life on hold to get this college. So if you want it badly enough, look up how you can do it. Call people. research loans and grants.
[21:13] straight_people_bite: see i am kinda offended by your statement it makes me out to be un-educated and also stupid (or atleast that is how i take it) because i dont want to be friends or hangout with stuck up know it alls
[21:13] suntree_girl: get you one of those apartments by the airport, work at a gas station and go to school, walk there every day. it’s worth it
[21:13] straight_people_bite: it sounds so easy hehe
[21:13] suntree_girl: the statement was meant to let you know that you would likely meet more gay people to whom you can relate. It wasn’t meant as a personal attack.
[21:14] suntree_girl: it was also meant to pique your curiosity, because you might find there’s a lot more to life once you get on the path to learning
[21:15] straight_people_bite: the whole gay thing is hanging on a thread as well i mean as my mom put the other day it isnt exactley NORMAL now is it and i kinda agree. and i do want more but hey this is as good as it gets right now i only try to live day by day
[21:15] suntree_girl: what’s not normal?
[21:17] straight_people_bite: being gay (male or female) and i agree it isnt meant to be that way. sex is for reproduction not anything else. gay sex is just for pleasure honestley
[21:17] suntree_girl: hm. okay.
[21:17] straight_people_bite: so i see my flaws now and i dont mean to be narrow minded but i honestley am thinking in a different way now. because it has been pounded in my head so many times that it finally sank in
[21:18] suntree_girl: I don’t even have words for that.
[21:19] straight_people_bite: all i am saying is i get why ppl think its wrong and that i see there point and kinda agree though i am physically attracted to guys doesnt mean i have to act on that impulse see we have come full circle
[21:19] suntree_girl: If you are happy that way, good for you? I guess?
[21:20] straight_people_bite: no one in this life is happy i mean life is what it is and we cant change that we get dealt shitty hands sometime and we have to take em dont we
[21:21] suntree_girl: Good thing those early feminsts didn’t think that way.
[21:22] straight_people_bite: well every body has negative thoughts and vents about them
[21:22] suntree_girl: which is fine. But I honestly have nothing I think I can say about any of this.
[21:24] straight_people_bite: well see atleast i can admit my personal issues and my flaws no offense but i just think everybody needs to vent and i would love to have someone just give advice rather then getting all offended and hushing up
[21:25] straight_people_bite: but i dont want an argument so i am getting off but i am sorry if i have offended you becuz i didnt mean to
[21:25] suntree_girl: I’m not offended. Vent away. but thee really is a difference between venting and wallowing.
[21:25] suntree_girl: and I’m not going to perpetuate the latter.”
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